Sunday, February 14, 2016

Valentine's 2016

We had a nice drawn out Valentine's celebration this year. Thomas had got an unexpected day off of school the Thursday before so we took that day to celebrate.
We went to lunch as a family at an Indian restaurant since Thomas and I's first date was on Valentine's day 2009 and we went to an Indian restaurant (my first time trying Indian food and I was hooked).
Afterwards we went to the mall and rode the big ride on animals.  Every time we go to the mall Brooklyn asks to ride on them and I've told her we will go and do it as a family.  Thursday was our day and it was a blast! There was another little girl and her grandpa riding at the same time.  She started following us and would get right on Thomas' tail and trail him saying "Nom, nom, nom, nom!" We were dying laughing.






After the mall we dropped Brooklyn off at the Moss' house so Thomas and I could go on a date. We went to The Taste, a chocolate and vinegar tasting restaurant.  It was just us and another couple which was perfect.  We did a mini tasting where we got to try five different types of chocolate and three types of sipping vinegars (that were actually SO good). Then we ended the experience by sharing the vanilla ice cream with strawberries topped with cherry balsamic vinegar and tangerine olive oil and the chocolate melting cake.
After The Taste we went to get a Redbox and cuddled up at home to watch The Scorch Trials.
Saturday we were going to extend our date and go snowboarding but Friday Brooklyn woke up at 11:15 am (this NEVER happens) and was covered in snot.  We didn't feel good about leaving her with a babysitter Saturday so changed our plans and stayed home. Friday night Thomas brought home a beautiful bouqet of flowers for Brooky and I.
I couldn't wait until Sunday to have her open her present from us so we let her on Saturday.  We got her a Snackin' Sara Baby Alive.  She is all about this certain YouTube channel where the girl plays with all seven of her Baby Alive dolls. She has slept with that doll and taken it everywhere since we got it.  She also was spoiled by both her Grandmas with packages that she was thrilled about.


Sunday I took Brooklyn around in her wagon to her friends who aren't in preschool with her to give them valentine's. This year she chose from a few I showed her on Pinterest.  The one she chose said "Sip, Sip, Hooray! It's Valentine's Day" and attached was a curly straw.
Sunday night we made chocolate covered strawberries and bananas.
I sent this picture to my running buddy Felicia.


Saturday, February 13, 2016

No Man's Land

You know when you hear or see a lot of something and then all of the sudden that something becomes a part of your life? 
I feel like after having Brooklyn I started hearing a lot more about infertility and finding out a lot of friends and acquaintances had or were dealing with infertility.  
Previously I was never really worried about it.  My mom and sisters were all really fertile and we got pregnant with Brooklyn as soon as we started trying. 
We always talked about having three maaaayyybe four kids and having them spaced three years apart.  
Brooklyn is now 3.5 years so obviously that hasn't happened. 
At first I thought that maybe we just weren't timing sex right.  So I started tracking my cycles on an app on my phone and tracking my temperature.  I noticed that I was ovulating later than the standard day 14 of my cycle but usually around day 18 or so.  
After three months of trying I started to be concerned. Was I ovulating too late in my cycle? 
Started taking all kinds of natural supplements that were supposed to help with ovulation and fertility.
Month 5 of trying my period was a few days late.  I took a pregnancy test each day that passed after my expected period day.  Finally three days passed and I had a slight positive home pregnancy test.  I was wary because with my pregnancy with Brooklyn the test line was much more defined and came positive a couple days before my expected period.  Sure enough the next day I started bleeding.
I went to see an OB/GYN.  His advice was to take a baby aspirin each day and keep trying til January and if I wasn't pregnant by January to come back.  
Thomas went in for a checkup and had his testosterone levels checked and they were fine.
In March it will be a year of trying. Right now with no income we have Medicaid as insurance which obviously doesn't cover any kind of fertility treatments. 
I've stopped tracking my temperature or charting on the fertility app, stopped taking all the supplements (besides a prenatal). I just couldn't do it anymore.  It was becoming too all consuming. 
We've talked about our next step and will go ahead and pay for a sperm analysis once we hit our year mark of trying, not necessarily because we think it has to do with the sperm but because it's the least expensive and least invasive test.
Here are the stories I sometimes tell myself and the questions and feelings I have about the whole situation:
- Am I only supposed to have one child? Not something I ever imagined but there are perks to just having one child. Travel more, less expensive, more time and attention given to her, etc.
- I'm depriving my child of a sibling. Brooklyn wants a sibling SO bad. She constantly asks me if there is a baby in my belly.  Or she will randomly say "my baby's coming soon right?"
- People here in Utah all have lots of kids.  They don't want to hang out with us because we only have one kid.
- God must think that I can't handle more than one child.
-  I'm sincerely happy for my friends and family who have announced pregnancies and just had babies. It doesn't bother me to talk about their pregnancies or babies at all.  I know that they know what I'm going through and they love me and wish me the best and I wish the best for them too. Bizarrely it's the acquaintances or strangers who I see with four or five kids and I start to get bothered.  I think things like "wow they don't even know how lucky they are to be able to get pregnant so easily".  And maybe they do, I don't know their story and they don't know mine.  So I also assume that they are judging me for only having one kid.  In Mormon culture you are supposed to have lots of kids to "multiply and replenish the earth". People say things like "So you just have one kid huh?" That word "just" makes me feel so bad for Brooklyn. Yes, we have one child but she is the BEST child in our eyes! 
- Not knowing when or if I'll get pregnant again is challenging because I don't know if I should plan for races in coming months, vacations, etc. I've realized I can't put my life on hold waiting.
- I've started training for a marathon the beginning of June. I've thought of just stopping trying during this time.  One reason being because I think it's worse having the hope that *maybe* I could get pregnant this month and then having the hopes dashed.  I'd almost rather just use birth control so that I don't get my hopes up even a bit just to have them destroyed each month. But then I feel like if I did birth control that I'm saying I don't want another child.  That's not it at all. I just don't want to be teased month after month with the hope. I guess I just want some control back maybe? 
- I think I'm being punished by God for not wanting to have another child sooner. Lots of friends had their kids two years apart.  I still wasn't over the trauma of pregnancy and a colicky baby at that point to consider another child. But maybe I should have been and this is my punishment. 
So this is what I've been experiencing lately. I haven't wanted to write about it because I think of people who struggle with infertility who don't have a child like we do, or ones who have been trying a lot longer than we have and I think maybe this post would be insulting.  So I feel like I'm in between two groups. Not necessarily in the infertile group because we have a child and have only been trying for 11 months, and not in the fertile group either cause we only have one child. I'm kind of in no man's land over here. 

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Family Pictures Christmas 2015

Bea took some pictures of our extended family while everyone was in town for Christmas and here are some of the shots we've gotten a sneak peek of so far.


 Ashley and Justin invited the cousins over for a sleepover one night we were there and they had a blast.

January Photo Dump

 Went on a Wednesday to Thanksgiving Point to the Dino museum but saw the horses were still out giving rides.  We also hit up the Farm story time.
 Thomas is famous! Top picture (the one being examined).
 Look at Brooklyn's face!! She got all the bar stools and her chairs to trap us in the kitchen.
 The view on one of my weekend runs.
 Brooklyn and I have started to find new hairstyles on youtube and we like to experiment.


 Little lady got into my underwear drawer while I was working out and gave me a little fashion show with it.

 She is extremely into handstands, flips, somersaults, etc. It's scary but she's really determined and can do a great handstand against the wall.
 Facetime with my little niece Nellie.



Snowboarding at Sundance

Thomas and I were finally able to hit the slopes this season! We've been switching off date night babysitting with Lauren and Travis Moss and so they took Brooklyn for us for the day.
This is probably my most favorite thing to do as a couple. I love seeing Thomas in his element (so sexy). It's so rewarding to see how far I've come from when Thomas first taught me six years ago. I love being out in nature, active, and with my man. The best.
Sundance was great and we can't wait to get out there again.



Snowshoeing Soldier Hollow

After a successful snowshoeing trip closer to home we decided we could venture a little further away one weekend.
We went to Soldier Hollow where they have groomed trails for snowshoeing and cross country skiing.
We lasted a good couple of hours and enjoyed the solitude of the trails and the gorgeous winter weather.




January/February Prechool

Here is what Tami posted about on the week she taught "
This week we learned about the story of the daughter of Jairus. We talked about how Jesus cared about and helped sick people. We talked about what we could do to help people who are sad or sick. I gave them little medical bags and they had a lot of fun pretending to be sick and helping each other! We also made get well cards. We learned about the number 10 and we tried to learn about left and right hand but that was a little hard for them. I tied a red ribbon on their right wrist and showed them how their left hand made an "L" shape."



Here is what I posted about my week:
"This week we worked on the letter Q and number 10. We used whip cream to practice writing,bags with paint in them and then a qtip as a writing tool, and we used playdough mats for practicing the number 10. The girls LOVED reenacting the story of Jesus calming the sea."












Midway Ice Castles

About 45 minutes away there are some man made ice castles that we got tickets to go see one Thursday night.
We got there and realized we had forgotten Brooklyn's coat!!! We did have a blanket though and she was wearing snow pants, gloves, hat, and snow boots.  Still I felt horrible! It was like 16 degrees out.
There were lots of narrow passageways to explore and Brooklyn's favorite part was the little slide made of pure ice.
We ended the night with some yummy hot chocolate and a sugar cookie from the little hot chocolate stand.